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The World's Greatest Criminal Mind
"The World's Greatest Criminal Mind" is Professor Ratigan's villainous song in Disney's 1986 motion picture The Great Mouse Detective. It is sung for the purpose of flaunting Ratigan's position as the "greatest criminal mastermind" in London. Lyrics Ratigan: (Laughs evilly) From the brain that brought you the Big Ben Caper The head that made headlines in every newspaper And wondrous things like the Tower Bridge Job That cunning display that made Londoners sob Now comes the real tour de force Tricky and wicked, of course My earlier crimes were fine for their times But now that I'm at it again An even grimmer plot has been simmering In my great criminal brain Thugs: Even meaner? You mean it? Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned? You're the best of the worst around Oh, Ratigan Oh, Ratigan The rest fall behind To Ratigan To Ratigan The world's greatest criminal mind! (Song temporarily pauses) Ratigan: (Playing harp) Thank you, thank you... but it hasn't all been champaigne and caviar. I've had my share of adversity thanks to that miserable, second-rate detective, Basil of Baker Street! Thugs: (Various boos) Ratigan: (Overly dramatic) For years, that insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans! I haven't had a moment's peace of mind. Thugs: (Various sympathetic aws) Bartholomew: (Cries) Ratigan: (Tone becomes hostile) But all that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even Basil can stand in my way! (Thugs bow to him) All will bow before me! (Song resumes) Thugs: Oh, Ratigan Oh, Ratigan You're tops and that's that To Ratigan To Ratigan Bartholomew: (Clearly drunk) To Ratigan, the world's greatest rat! (Hiccups) (Song temporarily stops) Ratigan: (Spits out drink in shock) Thugs: (Gasp) Ratigan: What was THAT!? Bartholomew: (Hiccups) Ratigan: What did you call me? Bartholomew: (Opens mouth to say something) Thug #1: Oh, he didn't mean it, Professor! Bill the Lizard: It was just a slip of the tongue! Ratigan: (Angrily) I am NOT a rat! Thug #2: 'Course you're not! You're a mouse! Thug #1: Yeah, that's right; right, a mouse! Bill the Lizard: Yeah, a big mouse! Ratigan: SILENCE! (Throws Bartholomew outside; speaks in dramatic tone) Oh, my dear Bartholomew, I'm afraid that you've gone and upset me. (Tone becomes hostile; pulls bell out of pocket) You know what happens when someone upsets me... (Rings bell) Thugs: (Cries of shock as death bell rings) Felicia: (Steps into room; walks towards Bartholomew) Bartholomew: (Unaware he's about to die; begins singing) Oh, Ratigan Oh, Ratigan You're the tops and that's that. (Hiccups; speaking) Oh, dear (Resumes singing) To Ratigan To Ratigan Thugs: (Cries of fear) Bartholomew: (Has been grabbed by Felicia, but is still unaware)'' To Ratigan'' The world's greatest... (gets eaten) Felicia: (Meows) Thugs: (Mourn fall of their friend) Ratigan: (Lovingly) Oh, Felicia, my precious, my baby. Did Daddy's little honey-bun enjoy her tasty treat? Felicia: (Belches) Ratigan: (Evil smile turns into frown; walks back inside) I trust there shall be no further interruptions. And now, as you were singing...? Thugs: (Hesitate to singing until Ratigan pulls his bell back out) (Song resumes) Thugs: Even louder Lets shout it! No one can doubt what we know you can do You're more evil than even you Oh, Ratigan Oh, Ratigan You're one of a kind To Ratigan To Ratigan The world's greatest criminal mind! Category:Villains' songs Category:Music